I’ve seen a couple different lists, written by mothers, that contain rules for dating their son. Most of the rules seem to imply that the girlfriend reading them is either money hungry, dramatic, stupid or manipulative. On one of the lists there was a rule that stated “Remember, I can be your worst nightmare”.
We live in a world full of “men” who can’t have a healthy relationship because of their mothers. Trust me – I have seen it within my own family. Why is that? Because we have helicopter moms who refuse to cut the umbilical cord so their boys can become men and love a woman. What I find most ironic is the women who hang on tight to their sons are the same women who are married to mama’s boys – and they bitch and complain about them all the time. Instead of changing the cycle, they grasp on to their son with talons so tight that the boy never really learns to fly on his own, thus creating another mama’s boy and another wife to complain about it. See the pattern?
I have five boys and while I only gave birth to one of them, I want them ALL to grow up and find someone that they can share the rest of their lives with. I think as a mom we want to believe that our son will never love ANY woman as much as he loves us. What we should understand is our son will never love another woman with the same capacity as they love us, there’s a huge difference. I want all my sons to love their wives more than they love me and their birth mother. Anything less than that love is unacceptable. When he marries he will become a family and my sons should always put his family first.
Here is a list of rules for my five sons potential girlfriends/wives:
1. Respect his boundaries: We live in a world full of sex, sex, sex. The pressure to sleep with a mate is woven into almost every movie, song and t.v. show out there. My husband and I are raising our son in a Christian household and we would like to hope that he waits until he gets married to have sex. We are not naïve enough to disregard the fact that it may happen a lot sooner than his wedding day. I ask that if my son doesn’t want to sleep with you that you admire his morals and boundaries and that you respect them. Don’t pressure him or degrade him, please, he is showing you respect.
2. He’s not an ATM: Ok, I admit, this sounds a little harsh but give me a second to explain. I am not assuming that you are money hungry. What I am trying to say is let him live within his means. His father and I had to learn the hard way about saving and living within means and it is a lesson that we have tried to pass on to our son. I am sure he would like nothing more than to wine and dine you, buy you flowers and jewelry and make you feel like the most special girl in the world. But if he can’t do that right now then please don’t make him feel bad. Maybe one day he might be able to do all of those things, maybe he won’t, but either way please don’t pressure him into making decisions that could potentially ruin any good credit he has.
3. Forgive his buttheadedness: Yes, I know, every once and a while he his a butthead. I know this, I was raising him in his teen years so I got to see it regularly. He also is his fathers son and his father can be a butthead too, a really big one! But my husband is also loving, kind and has the biggest heart ever! He is hard working and loyal. All traits that he has SHOWN our son, not just preached them. We all have our moments of brokenness, yourself included, please extend to him the same Grace you would want given to you.
4. Make him laugh: There is something very sexy about making your man laugh. Whenever I make my husband laugh I feel like I’ve won a prize. Laughter is very powerful and I believe that it’s a very important component in a relationship. I got to listen to my son laugh as he grew up and it was amazing. Please keep that going.
5. Love life together: Strengthen your bond by learning to love life together. Find a common bond, whatever it may be; cooking, hiking, reading… and always try to grow it. Explore life and all the amazing things that it has to offer. Having a hobby you can share with each other will strengthen your relationship and give you both something to look forward to.
6. Learn to be apart: Just as important as learning to love life together is learning it’s ok to do things on your own. It’s ok to do things with your girlfriends and for him to do things with his guy friends. Have separate hobbies that allow you time to yourself or with friends. I promise you this will make you stronger as a couple.
7. Never stop learning: He is not the same person he was 10 years ago and neither are you. As you both will be different people 10 years from now. Keep learning as much as you can from each other and from life. Each obstacle life puts in front of you, learn from it. Don’t let the world tear you guys apart, learn from your mistakes forgive and move on.
8. I am not your enemy: Whether you are my sons girlfriend or wife I will never purposely hurt you. I will not always side with my son because he is my son. I am fair and honest and want nothing but the best for both of you. Please do not be afraid of me or afraid to talk to me. I encourage open communication and would love nothing more than to have a great relationship with you.
9. Let him be a knight: Society has this push for women to be as independent as they can be, and I don’t disagree. I have a daughter, I want her to be able to function on her own; change her own tires, live by herself etc. But that doesn’t mean that I don’t want a man to show her respect and love, which is what you and her both deserve. I know you are fully capable of opening your own doors, pulling out your own chairs and pretty much anything else in life, but if my son wants to show you his love by doing those things for you, please let him. He isn’t seeing you as an incapable person, he is showing you a high level of respect. Chivalry is almost dead in this world, I’ve worked hard with my son to try and keep it alive.
10. Put God first: We raised our son in a Christian home. We have taught him that with God, anything is possible. We have prayed together as a family, built homes for the needy as a family, helped the less fortunate as a family – and we did it all in Gods name. Keep Him first in your relationship and you guys will be ok. You both will stumble and fall but if your foundation is strong from the beginning, nothing can tear you down. Remember, a family that prays together, stays together.