My Husband’s Ex-Wife

Most people will read that and gag. Most people will read that and get angry. Most people will read that and cry.

This is one of those times I’m glad I’m not most people.

My husband, Jason, jokingly refers to his ex as my BFF. I guess in some ways that’s not too far from the truth. She is usually one of the first people I contact, if not the first, when something good, bad or ugly happens. She is at my house a lot and doesn’t even knock – just walks in, we constantly text each other and we make each other laugh. She spends holidays at our house and we all go out to dinner for celebratory reasons. We have swapped clothes (I wish we could swap shoes but the woman has dwarf sized feet, size 6 – really?!?!?), ideas and advice. She is a wonderful “aunt” to my son from a previous marriage and my daughter from my current marriage.

You would think that our relationship has always been copacetic, right? Wrong. Michelle and I didn’t start off as each other’s biggest fans. And for the most part that seems to be the norm when a divorced person with kid(s) gets remarried. From the start we found a way to be polite to each other – and by polite I mean we usually just ignored one another – but a game changer in our relationship was the birth of my daughter. Our five boys, four of them are Michelle and Jason’s boys, instantly fell in love with the bundle of pink. And much to my surprise, so did Michelle. And in the following months as my daughter got older the distance between Michelle and I lessened and we all decided to celebrate Halloween together. The night was fun and from then on we learned to work together, grow together and mold our blended family.

For me, having Michelle as a friend has been amazing. Not only is she a great person but she is helpful, smart and tells it how it is. The Mother’s Day that just passed, Michelle wrote this on her Facebook page: “Happy Mother’s Day to a wonderful Mom/Step-mom/Friend…Thank you for all you do for the boys and I. We have become a great team…I love our blended family. Hope you have a great day! You are truly appreciated”. I admit, I got a little teary eyed and please don’t tell my husband this but I think he did too! It’s nice to know that we can lean on each other, whether it’s life or about the kids. We support each other in ways that mom’s need to support each other but most of them don’t.

As I’m writing this I am getting text messages from her – she’s at the pool, soaking in the sun, and wants to lovingly rub it in my face. I laugh because she’s a brat – I celebrate because had you told me almost three years ago when I married Jason that one day Michelle and I would be “BFF’s” I would’ve laughed in your face.

Mom’s and step mom’s – I urge you to celebrate one another. You are both fighting the same battle, why not fight it together instead of each other?






2 thoughts on “My Husband’s Ex-Wife

  1. What an awesome story Lori!! I applaud you and Michele and think you strong women have created a wonderful dynamic for not only each other, Jason and you two but those beautiful kids in the mix. I know from personal experience that it’s not easy but I couldn’t imagine my life either without my ex son mother! After I broke up with eliana dad Charlene and me got so much closer and we co parent when it comes to her son 🙂

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